The Road Less Traveled
    A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth
M. Scott Peck, M.D.

Cathexis Without Love

- Dependency is unconcerned with spiritual growth
    - Dependent people not willing to tolerate unhappiness, loneliness and suffering involved in growth
- Other forms of behavior that are mistaken for love
    - Nurturance/cathexis without concern for spiritual growth of the other
    - Self-sacrifice
- The only true end of love is spiritual growth or human evolution
- Hobbies are self-nurturing activities
    - Nurturing ourselves for the purpose of spiritual growth
    - Need to nurture ourselves with things that are not directly spiritual
    - If hobby becomes an end in itself, it becomes a substitute for rather than a means to self-development
    - Key is if the goal is still spiritual growth of some sort
- We can love only human beings (ourselves or another)
    - Only other humans are capable of spiritual growth
- Cathexis without true love
    - "Loving" pets: we have no desire for the pet's spiritual growth, but want to maintain their dependence on us
    - American soldiers who married "war brides"
    - Women who can only love their children as infants
    - "Parental instinct": not a genuine form of love
        - Relatively effortless
        - Not totally an act of will or choice
        - Not directed towards improvement of child, only its dependence
- Nurturing spiritual growth is infinitely more complicated than can be directed by instinct
- Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding
    - Judicious praising and judicious criticizing
    - Judgment requires thoughtful and often painful decision-making

There are several other behavior patterns that can be mistaken for genuine love.  These include nurturing or cathecting a person without being concerned with their spiritual growth.