The Road Less Traveled
    A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth
M. Scott Peck, M.D.

Love Is Separateness

- Major characteristic of genuine love:
    - Distinction between oneself and the other is always maintained and preserved
    - Failure to perceive this separateness is extremely common
    - The cause of much mental illness and unnecessary suffering
- Woman who could not recognize other people as being different from herself
    - Always "felt their pain"
    - She is narcissistic
    - Only sees herself, lacks the empathy to feel what another is feeling
    - Narcissistic parents usually respond inappropriately to their children on emotional level
    - Fail to offer recognition or verification of their children's feelings
    - Fail to recognize unique individuality of children
    - Regard children as extensions of themselves
- Parental narcisissim
- Kahlil Gibran poem "Your children are not your children"

- Humans generally have difficult in fully appreciating separateness of those who they are close to
    - Interferes with all their intimate relationships, including marriage
    - Fail to see that mate has existence basically separate from their own
    - Fail to see that mate has any kind of destiny apart from their marriage
- Pure capitalism
    - Destiny of the individual even at the expense of the group, the society
- Good marriage like a base camp for mountain climbing
    - Marriage is a safe place to come back to, but then venture out from to seek another summit
    - Common masculine problem:
    - Husband devotes all of his time to climbing, none to base camp
    - Common feminine problem:
    - Once married, base camp is all that she wants, can't understand husband's desire for other achievements and experiences
    - Resolution:
    - Marriage as truly cooperative institution
    - Primpary purpose of nurturing both individuals for individual journeys towards
        individual peaks of spiritual growth
- Separateness of partners enriches the union
- Great marriages cannot be constructed by individuals who are terrified by their basic aloneness, and seek a merging
    - Ultimate goal in life remains the spiritual growth of the individual
    - Some peaks can only be achieved alone
    - Marriage and society exist to nurture these individual journeys

It's necessary in marriage (or any relationship) to maintain the distinction between yourself and the other person.  Even in marriage, the ultimate goal is for each person to achieve their own spiritual growth.  The marriage can nurture these journeys, but many are ultimately journeys that only one person can take.